Prologue (of Light)

In 1987, the very first Final Fantasy was released in Japan. By some startling coincidence, I was also born in the same year.

This wasn’t the only thing to have happened in 1987, of course. For instance, President Reagan and President Gorbachev met in Washington to mark the beginning of the end of the Cold War. Bon Jovi unleashed Livin’ On A Prayer on an unsuspecting world audience. A great storm swept over the UK after an infamous gaffe on the weather report initially reported it as a ‘false alarm’. By all accounts from what I’ve read and seen, 1987 was a banger year.

Not that I would know. I was only a babe. I had no idea what a Cold War was, nor did I have enough hair to whip back and forth to Bon Jovi. And I certainly don’t remember any storm blowing down our house. By that same notion, I had absolutely no idea about Final Fantasy or even what it was. Heck, the whole of Europe wouldn’t even know what it was until 10 years later! But it was there, existing in the world at the same time as I was, waiting to come crashing into my life like a revelation of biblical proportions. If that sounds like hyperbole, well, that’s because it is. There was nothing particularly special or earth-shattering about how Final Fantasy came into my life. I simply placed a compact disc into a Playstation One and turned it on. What isn’t hyperbole, however, is the impact Final Fantasy would have and still has on my life.

If I were to really lean into some of the big themes of the Final Fantasy series, I could call it destiny or fate that my being born and Final Fantasy being released in the same year are so closely linked. But as much as I’d like to give in to my inner fanboy and confirm this to be true, it would be rather silly. Besides, Final Fantasy was released in December of 1987, which makes me a whole 7 months older than the massive sprawling franchise it has now become. But it’s interesting to think that both I and Final Fantasy came into existence around the same time. In fact, we both celebrated our 35th birthdays this year!

So why bring this up? Why make this sudden connection between myself and a multi-media franchise, and why openly declare to a very public audience that it’s had a grip on me since it came into my life? Well, to fully understand the point I’m trying to make, I’m going to take a very unusual segue, but I promise that it will all make perfect sense in the end. OK? Cool.

So, there’s an episode of Friends where Phoebe is in labour and due to give birth to triplets.

Did I mention that this was an unusual segue? Don’t worry, stay with me!

In the episode, Phoebe is introduced to the doctor who will assist in her childbirth. He says all the things a doctor is expected to say, reassures Phoebe that the birth will go well and that he’ll be there to help. He then casually drops that he loves Fonzie from Happy Days before leaving the room. This begins a running gag in the episode surrounding the doctor’s love and obsession for Fonzie, from chastising Rachel for liking a character who was ‘mean’ to him to switching on the TV to watch Happy Days while Phoebe gives birth.

This is the only real personality the character is given in the episode. He’s a professionally trained and educated Doctor of Medicine, and quite a competent one considering he delivers three babies in one labour, yet he has a profound and an ironically unhealthy obsession with The Fonz. And if you were to look further into the series, even one of the main characters carries a similar obsession. Ross is a huge fan of dinosaurs, even wearing a dinosaur watch whilst dressed in a tuxedo. His love of dinosaurs influenced him to become a palaeontologist, later taking up a role as a professor at university giving lectures in the field. We see this sort of behaviour outside of fiction, too. You probably know someone who has a deep love of something or other, whether it be a form of media, a collection of items or how they maintain a belonging such as a car. We even see real people with these adorations being celebrated via world records or documentaries that follow their lifestyle in adherence to their treasured love.

I’ve come to believe that every one of us has something that we hold very dear, that represents who we are as a person or makes us the person we want to be. That something could be anything at all. It could be a hobby or activity, like football, gymnastics, or an artisan craft. It could be a collection of something precious; antique coins, special minted items, cards, or stamps. And yes, it could be a form of media. In my lifetime, I’ve met people who have an unmitigated love for one thing or another, a strong attachment that they will always return to. I’ve known a good friend who was so enraptured by musicals and stage shows that he could recite them word for word and give detailed knowledge of a show’s production by year, director, producer and so on. Another was and still is so engaged with the inner workings of professional wrestling that we have regular in-depth conversations about it, even if I am somewhat lapsed in the sport. One of my best friends is so enamoured with dinosaurs that a lot of her ornaments and decorations are dinosaur-themed to some degree or another. Why does she love dinosaurs? Because of Jurassic Park, which she can watch on repeat ad nauseum with no qualms.

Even if you don’t think that you are so inclined, you might even subconsciously be a part of this phenomenon. Look around your home. Look through your possessions. Look at your bookmarks on your web browsers. It could be something as innocuous as a type of clothing you regularly buy or a brand of detergent that contains a fragrance that reminds you of something. Maybe you have ornaments on your walls, plates in your cupboards with a decoration that sets it apart, or even a recurring theme of some kind; colour, space, shapes. These all make up some part of our personality that we gravitate toward, subconsciously or otherwise.

You’ve probably guessed by now where I’m going with this. I have one of those connections too, and it’s to Final Fantasy.

I know I described how simple it was that Final Fantasy came into my life, and yet my first encounter with the series is so vivid in my mind that I can recall it in its every detail. How my brother said he had a game he was having trouble with and that I should give it a go. That game was in my bedroom a week later, where it lay neglected for another two weeks before I finally decided that I should actually play it. That game was Final Fantasy VII and I can honestly say that it impacted my life massively.

From the moment the game opened with the series’ musical prelude and then swooped up and around the grand metropolis of Midgar, I knew that this was something else entirely. Naturally, never having played a role-playing game before in my life, I died repeatedly in the first section of the game at the Mako reactor. But I persisted. I learned the game’s mechanics, the battle system and how to use Materia effectively. I learned why the eco-warrior group known as AVALANCHE was fighting against the world-dominating Shinra Corporation. I learned about the Ancients, a near-extinct race that could communicate with the Planet and feel its pain and anguish at what humanity had done to it. Before long, I was out of the city and exploring VII’s grand world, accompanied by a man with a machine gun for an arm, a martial arts master, a flower girl from the slums and a talking lion/wolf creature.

Because of my parent’s strict regimen that I focus on my education during the week and could only play games at weekends, my time with Final Fantasy VII lasted much longer than most would expect. I played the game solidly for around 8 months. I got stuck on hard bosses, had to grind levels to become stronger and learn better spells and summons. Along the way, I met a huge cast of characters and was swept along with a dramatic story where the fate of the planet was at stake. It was a game I’d never experienced before. Most games I’d played up until VII were fairly standard fare. Run right and collect rings so you don’t die, collect golden stars to unlock new paths, shoot the hideous thing making a beeline toward you. With this game, I was connected to the characters and to the world. I cared about what happened. I cared about the characters who became a part of my crew and cared about saving the world from complete destruction. I laughed, I got scared, I got angry, and like many others who played VII, I cried. No game had made me feel so much emotion and very few have done since.

When I finally defeated Sephiroth and saved the planet from a world-ending calamity, I felt like nothing would take its place. I felt a little hollow (no pun intended, Final Fantasy VII Remake), like no story would ever compare to what I’d just experienced.

Then a week later, I read that Final Fantasy VIII was due to come out soon.

This kickstarted a lifelong devotion to Final Fantasy. In the almost two and a half decades since being introduced to the series, I’ve engaged with almost every entry that was available to me; the mainline series, spin-offs and sequels, anime and CGI movies. If it had the Final Fantasy brand on it, I was there.

But it went beyond marking days on a calendar until the next entry in the series finally arrived. Final Fantasy had an impact on me in a much different and more personal way.

I was a very solitary child growing up. My grandmother used to say that I enjoyed my own company, and she was right. I had much fun drawing, writing, watching movies and playing games by myself, some might say to a kind of detriment. Not that I didn’t have friends or didn’t socialize. I was invited to birthday parties, attended after-school clubs and took part in extracurricular activities, so I knew a lot of kids. But I always found it difficult to express myself or talk about things that didn’t interest other kids, and I was so desperate to try and fit in somewhere with some group that I never really found one on my own in a natural way. It also didn’t help that one of my teachers outright told me that no one was interested in the things I liked or being told by a fellow student that I was ‘boring’.

I don’t remember these people’s names. Which is for the best.

With Final Fantasy becoming a part of my life, there was a change that came with it. When I started secondary school (junior high school if you’re so inclined), I met another student who was as enamoured with Final Fantasy VII as I was. His name was Tom. When Final Fantasy VIII was released, we met at the start of each week to excitedly talk about the game and how we were progressing with it. When I got stuck right near the end, he kindly lent me his save file so I could finish the game (he also clearly understood VIII’s battle system much better than I did at the time!). Then we met Jack, who was also a big fan of the series. When Final Fantasy IX came out, he would profess how much Steiner was a tank in battle. Andrew trolled us all by telling us of a secret character in VII called Markjim who had the best stats in the game, and we all fell for it. Jay, Tom and I would purchase Final Fantasy VI for Playstation One just so we can repeatedly play the demo disc for Final Fantasy X for Playstation 2. As the years passed, our circle of friends became larger and our interests coalesced from games to movies, comics to sport and so on. My English teacher, Miss Tyler, instilled into me that I should never feel bad or even ashamed about the things I like and encouraged me to share them with people.

I remember all these people’s names. That is for the best.

Did Final Fantasy make me who I am today? I wouldn’t say something as strong as that. But as I enter my mid-thirties, living in Japan where the series was created and feeling its influence on a semi-conscious level, I can’t deny why I feel so passionately about it. As I’m hitting a point in my life where I fondly reflect on the path that is now behind me, I think about the dozens of people I’ve met through Final Fantasy. The forums on the early dial-up days of the internet (R.I.P. Final Fantasy Addicts). Students at universities and colleagues at workplaces. I’ve let my own curiosity flourish by researching the deities and mythologies all the games in the series refer to. Even when I visited Japan for the first time, I felt this; suddenly all the winding roads, hidden getaways and towering skyscrapers of Midgar made sense when stepping foot in Tokyo.

And yet, I find myself in a situation that is both paradoxical and familiar. As previously mentioned, I’m currently living in Japan, having moved over half a year ago. This was in fact a long time coming. I was offered a teaching position in 2020, only to be waylaid in the pandemic that would hit us only months later. The time spent waiting was when the reflections really began. Looking back at my life from early school days to university to my meandering twenties to where I am now. This was and still is the biggest step in my life so far. Now being thousands of miles from friends and family, the people who know me best, I’m effectively starting over and meeting new people. A daunting task at the best of times.

This is where the paradoxically familiar feeling stems from. Despite having grown as a person whose identity is firmly established in the minds of friends and family, old and new, I find myself back in a similar position growing up; that I’m not as open as I can be or have been. Whether or not the people who know me believe this is another matter. To be more accurate, I feel like there’s parts of me that I’d love to share but am nervous or downright scared to do so. It’s a very strange position to be in at this point in my life. As you would expect, I’ve felt a strong desire to overcome this, but for the longest time, I’ve had no idea how.

Then it occurred to me that I should do what I did before. If it ain’t broke, right?

This is the very heart of Reflections in Crystal. I want to share more of myself with you and feel more comfortable in doing so. To this aim, I will play through each of the main entries in the Final Fantasy series and discover how they relate to me as a person. My hope in doing so is that I can be more open about who I am, what I do and why I feel these things. Not only that, but it will give me the chance to finally complete some games in the series that I have yet to beat (or start entirely in one entry’s case!).

There are, of course, some ground rules. I can’t allow myself to stray too far away from the main goal of this blog otherwise I won’t be achieving much at all. So, these are the rules I will abide by.

1) I will only play the main-numbered entries of Final Fantasy only.
No spin-offs, no sequels or prequels, no mobile tie-ins. Just the mainline games. Not only does this make the goal a lot easier to achieve, but it also means cutting out a lot of fluff. I’m aware that this does cut out a lot of great titles to play, such as Final Fantasy Tactics and Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll talk about those, too. But for now, time is finite, and 15 main titles should more than cover the hours needed to play and finish each one! Plus, each entry acts as its own story with its own themes, so that should help massively in any case!

2) Each game can be played in any format on any console.
I did debate for the longest time whether or not to play the games in their original formats, i.e., the first 3 entries on the NES, the Playstation 1 era and so forth. The truth is whilst this is a tried and tested formula, it’s elusive and also expensive. Besides, now I’m living in Japan, I’d be hard pressed to find not only the consoles and games but also translated copies! So I will play each entry in the best way I can; remasters, re-releases, remakes, ports and so on, and I will try and find them in their original states as much as I can (Square love adding to their games well after the fact. I’m looking at you, Kingdom Hearts).

3) I will not skip any of the games.
No game will be looked over, even if I’ve played and completed them before. This will be a thorough replay of each entry. As a sub-rule of this, while no entry can be skipped over, I can (and likely will, honestly) play each game in any order. I think this will allow me to be more flexible in what I can write about and play. Plus, some of the games can becoming punishingly difficult and it’d be good to break away from that.

4) 100% completion is not required.
None of the entries need to be 100% completed. The main story is enough, and bar a few side quests to get extra weapons and items, once the story is over, the game is over. Plus it’s time-consuming and not relevant to the main goal at hand. And to be frank, I really don’t like fighting superbosses. The Emerald and Ruby WEAPON fights from 7 were more than enough for me, thank you very much.

5) If the playthroughs become too much, stop and play something else.
Most important of all, have fun. Have some bloody fun with this! If it gets boring, stressful or time is just not permitting, let it rest. I’m not adhering to a schedule or anything like that. I’m taking the Yoshida approach with this (XIV players know what I mean, right?). There are many other games out there that I want to play, and it would be remiss of me to look over them if I’m not having any fun with this blog.

This is Reflections in Crystal, my life through a lens of Final Fantasy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I will.

‘Alright, everyone. Let’s mosey’.